Date:         Sun, 20 May 2001 10:00:30 EDT
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Sender:       Discussion of Topics for Soccer Referees <[log in to unmask]>
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From:         Brian Smith-White <[log in to unmask]>
Subject:      Re: My first 'sending off' of a parent today.
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On 19 May 01 at 23:45,
a message  My first 'sending off' of a parent
was written by Raymond E. Flanery, Jr. at Raymond E. Flanery, Jr.
<[log in to unmask]> :

> I have refereed approximately 100 games in my 2 years now and today
> was the first time I had to suspend a game to force a parent to
> leave the field. It all started with the coach of a visiting team
> who it appears not only had not taught his U12B's about offside, but
> did not understand it himself. The team from our region that he was
> playing loves to play the offside trap and his team was getting
> nailed on a fairly regular basis during the first half. I kept
> hearing comments about my calls not being fair, that I was being
> biased in my calls, etc.

And you encouraged this behavior by failing to caution the coach. Go
look up the defintion of admonish. There is a reason that the
administering a  yellow card is called an admonition in many other
countries.

> Who cares, these can be ignored. Then the
> coach decides to try another tactic and begins accusing the other
> team of cheating and playing unfairly in trapping his players
> offside! I looked at him a couple of times (and I do have one hell
> of a good stare), and yet he persisted until one of the player on
> the other team finally took enough offense to the remarks to say
> something back to the coach.

The point about refing for the participants enjoyment does not
include catering to over-the-top jerks determined to make a public
ass of themself. You failed spectacularly. Be  thankful that the
players weren't U19. Somebody would have been popped and then you
would have had some real fun.

 At this point I finally had to step in,
> so I told the player to knock it off or he could go sit the
> remainder of the game out and told the coach to quit making
> derogatory remarks to the other team.

Which part of "too little too late" escapes  your intellectual grasp?

>
> Now, I have never told a coach to knock it off and not have him
> become a very nice person for the remainder of the match. This was
> not to be the case today. The coach decides to tell me that he is on
> the board for his region

BFD. This speaks louder about the caliber of that region than about
the caliber of the speaker. You should be impressed. Unfortunately,
the impression should be less than favorable. Tell the coach that
directly as a preface to tossing the twit. You would be amazed at the
salutory effect of the action.

>and knows very well what he can and cannot
> say and that maybe if I called the game more fairly he would not
> have to say anything. So I walked over and explained that the
> remarks he was making were, in my opinion, not permitted and that he
> would stop.

Which part of "abuse" in "Foul, insulting or abusive language"
escapes your intellectual grasp?

> At this point one of his parents decides he needs to
> speak up and proceeds to call me a piece of shit referee ( among
> other intelligent comments). So, back to the coach to ask him to
> control the parents so that both of us can finish watching the game
> on the pitch rather than from somewhere farther away like the
> parking lot.

Let me see if  I understand this ploy. You ask the person who has
made a recent career of abusing you to be your disciplinary
subordinate upon whom you wish to delegate some authority.
Smoooooooooth. Maybe you could have asked the parent to help control
the coach.

> The parent chooses this point to march onto the field
> to inquire as to who would remove him from the pitch. When I tell
> him that I would be more than happy to point the way at least he
> invites me to join him in the parking lot for further discussion of
> the matter.

You were assaulted. Did you file a ref assault (or abuse in the
current administrative effort to downplay the action)?

> I did tell him that although the invitation was
> tempting, I had a job to perform at the moment and that he could
> start on his way to the parking lot. At this point he leans into me
> and call me a f@#$%^g Nazi bastard. Now I tell the coach that the
> game will begin when the parent is in the parking lot and walk back
> to the center of the field to wait for the parent to leave. He
> called his son from the field, and using some more flowery language
> begins leading his son to the parking lot. About halfway down the
> sideline he takes on of his sons full water bottles and throws it at
> me on the pitch (it only made it about half way to me, so I think
> the gentleman is lucky I did not take him up on his offer!), then
> his son throws the second water bottle at me!

Did you red-card the ever-attentive pupil? Why not? Are you afraid of
writer's cramps? Despite the fact that the parent was taking their
darling and leaving, you had not allowed a substitute - soooooo get
to it.

>
> The remainder of the match was rather uneventful.

Be thankful the players were young. And don't loose too much sleep
wondering why adults, in the capacity of coach or parents, think that
they can get away with such behavior. You enable it by failing to
step in hard and fast when the opportunity avails itself.

Regards, Brian Smith-White
>
> Ray Flanery
>